Makeover Madnes and Lessons Learned

Hello, all! It's been a while since I wrote, I know. And before I get to talking about the major goings-on lately, I have to regale you, one and all, with the story of my makeover gone horribly, painfully wrong...
First, a question: How can spas and skincare clinics get away with doing several procedures at once? That is the ultimate question for me, and let me tell you why... You would think that something as simple as a few facial care procedures would be cake, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. Nothing drastic, just a good cleaning and de-griming. Next time, I'll know to think again...
It all started because I wanted to do something different with my hair. I take fits like this about once a year, and it rarely ends well. You may remember the Christmas when my hair was coal black with blazing red streaks? Yeah, well, I decided on something REALLY out of character, at first: my natural hair color!! For those of you who don't know, I'm actually a dark honey blond, but I never really thought it suited the rest of my coloring - dark eyes, dark eyebrows, round face...my natural hair color not only contrasts the rest of my coloring so starkly that it seems unnatural, but I look like I'm 14 again. So, since my hair was reddish brown from the last bout of coloring back in October, I had to strip the color to put the blonde in. I did it the Saturday before Easter, and the color stripping went well except that I was not prepared for the blinding shade of Devil's Lemonade my hair turned. I've color-stripped my hair before, and it didn't turn THAT particular shade of "HOLY CRAP!" My hair was so bright, the cats couldn't stop staring me. They wanted to know who I was and what I did with their Momma! Well, after the stripping, I put the blonde dye in and was further alarmed when I realized that it was just a few shades lighter that my natural color...and it blended into the rest of my face! Perhaps it's the Cherokee in us, but Mom and I are not what one would call typically "white". We have a yellowish cast that makes it very awkward to find makeup or achieve a nice tan (if you go for things like that, and I generally don't). So, I wasn't too thrilled with my new color. I decided to do something different AGAIN.
After a week of being blonde, I decided to take the plunge: Tish and Snooky's Manic Panic. To those of you who know - remember when Ricky went through the phase where his hair was unnatural colors like purple and blue? That's the stuff I had in the bathroom - a little pot of dye called Vampire Red. And it was calling my name! Well, it stood to reason that if I was going to do something so drastic, I might as well go for a full-on makeover, right? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! OMG WRONG!!!
I started with a soak in the tub, to get myself all fresh and clean. That went well, same as always. Once I was clean and smooth and feeling pretty, I started working on my face while my hair dried. I used a grapeseed face peel mask, and that was fine. It felt pretty good after I pulled the film off my face. This is where it started to go downhill...
In pulling off the film, I came to realize that some of it had made it into my eyebrows and little babyhairs at my temple. No worries...just wipe it out with warm water, right? Nope! This stuff turned into hard little grapeseed goop boogers in my hair the second the water touched it! I've used this brand for years, why all of a sudden would it do something so mean to me?! Oh, well...
By the time I got the last of the goop out of my temple hairs, my hair was dry, so I set to work coloring my hair. And, BOY, what a color it is! I'll spare you any images of it...I'll simply say that this color red does not occur in nature, and leave it at that... Anyway, while the color was setting (had to leave it on for 30 minutes, per the instructions on the container), I decided to finish up my face. I have a gentle foaming face wash that I use sparingly, the last of which I used tonight, and that's what I applied next. It tingled a little, because the majority of the grit and grime had been pulled away by the grapeseed mask, and the tingling wasn't unpleasant. It felt kinda good, actually! So, with my fresh, clean face, I waited out the rest of my coloring time and then proceeded to rinse out my hair. What I failed to realize, however, was that with my skin so open and clean, it was an instant magnet for the brilliant red dye on my hair, and as a few strands fell forward and marked my face and forehead, I just brushed them away without thinking. After rinsing my hair and wrapping it up in a towel, I saw the marks, and realized I'd have to wash my face again to get the dye out. I don't think I have to tell you how resistant this dye is, especially on freshly cleaned skin... I had big red blotches on my cheeks, forehead, and one large one on the side of my neck, in the perfect shade of red to mimic a Port Wine Stain. So, I grabbed my face scrubby and went to work on the dye spots, scrubbing gently...or so I thought.
When my face began to burn a little, I stopped scrubbing and rinsed away the suds, then looked in the mirror to see angry, deep red blotches replacing the pinkish ones that had been there before. How can dye stains get DARKER? I wondered to myself as I reached up to touch one of the nastier-looking blotches. That's when I almost peed myself...
It hurt SO BAD to touch my own face, I thought I was going to cry! My vision got blurry and I actually staggered a little bit as I realized those weren't stains...they were parts of my face that were now missing skin! When I thought I was gently scrubbing away the dye, I was apparently rubbing my face raw in places. So, there I stood, staring in horror at the rub-burns on my face and neck wondering "What can I do now?!" Then I realized that I had aloe lotion, and the hunt began! When I couldn't find it, I decided to settle for my Tattoo Goo lotion - scentless, dye-less lotion with practically no additives, to speed the healing process of tattoos. I bought it when I got my first tattoo, when I was 18, and the tube has lasted this long. So, after my face had dried, I dripped a little on my fingers and lightly touched it to the raw places on my face and neck. It felt SO insanely good!!! ...for about 20 seconds... That's when the fires of Hell came to visit.
Apparently, what little additives there are in the Tattoo Goo are JUST enough to cause excruciating pain when applied to raw skin, as opposed to freshly tattooed skin. So, I suffered in pee-inducing silence for a moment, then cautiously wiped the lotion away with a clean, damp towel. At that point, I gave up looking for relief...I decided to just wait out the pain and chalk this one up to "Lesson Learned".
No more at-home facials for me, folks...I'm throwing in my spa towel!
I think I'll just stick to a soothing bath once in a while from now on...