It all began with a remote control, at the station for Keyser EMS, the ambulance service I used to work for. We had satellite TV at the squad as a convenience and courtesy to our members and visitors, and (as is standard with any satellite box) we had a remote control. Since the TV was for use by any and all members and their families, several members would bring their kids to the station with them for functions or just to visit or have dinner, and the kids would want to watch TV. Seems simple enough, right? And it should have been that simple, but it wasn't. I don't know how many of you have ever put a remote in the hands of a child, but the average child can and will misplace a remote control at the speed of light. This is a natural occurrence - kids lose stuff, it's in their job description at conception. So, of course, it was nothing for our remote to come up missing and resurface hours or sometimes a day or two later, usually under a couch or in between the soda machines. Kids will be kids, after all. And honestly, there are buttons on the satellite box for a reason, and that reason is - REMOTE LOSS. It doesn't get much more simple than that. Unless you're familiar with Keyser EMS...
Where the story gets complicated is here - our administrator at the time was not a very...how shall I put it...physically inclined??...individual, and the very thought of moving to accomplish a task as simple as changing the channel on the TV irritated her to no end. So, every time the remote was misplaced, she would launch into a station-wrecking hissy-fit and tear the squad apart until she found the remote. After three fits like this, she decided she'd had it and called only one of the members whose children were often with her at the station and outright blamed the children for the lost remote. The member was so upset by the singularity of the claim against her children that she refused to come to the station while the administrator was working, and would not bring her children to the station under any circumstances, as she didn't feel like they were welcome anymore. And it didn't end there.
My shift ran immediately after hers, and my partner and I walked into the station one morning to find the remote attached to a broken yard stick with plastic zip ties. Thinking someone was just messing around with some spare equipment (as was typical in our station), we chuckled a little and cut the remote free. It remained a free remote for the remainder of our shift and the shift immediately following ours. Then the administrator came back on shift, and when my partner and I walked in for our next shift, we found the remote once more zip-tied to the yard stick fragment with a rather large note which informed us that NO ONE in the station was to remove the remote from the stick under ANY circumstances.
Seems our "fearless leader" was so tired of having to heave herself two feet from the couch to the satellite box when the remote was MIA, that she'd put it on the stick to keep it from being lost again. So, the remote remained on yardstick incarceration for the remainder of her stay as administrator. When my partner and I came in to work on the morning after her last shift as a KEMS employee, our first order of business for the day was to cut the remote off that stupid yard stick, then call the member whose children had been blamed and invite her and her children down to watch TV, anything they wanted, ALL DAY LONG.
As a reminder of general stupidity, we hung the stick on the wall from a leather cord and wrote "STUPID STICK" in big, black letters across the length of the stick. From that day forward, anyone who'd done something considered stupid by the general consensus of the company or members in attendance was threatened with a Stupid Stick Beating. Several of us met the business end of The Stupid Stick, and I'll admit...I actually got a few smacks myself (like when I backed into the pole...long story for another day!). And with the threat of MORE Stupid Stick whack-attacks, I quickly stopped doing stupid things!
My question to you, my readers, is this:
Why don't more people/places implement Stupid Sticks? Be it in the workplace, at home or amongst the general public? I can tell you from experience that a chunk of yard stick works WONDERS, and all it takes it a couple cracks with it before the punished party decides, "Hey...this SUCKS!" and ceases the stupid behavior. Now mind you - our Stupid Stick smacks were all in good fun, with no intention of doing any real harm to anyone. It's like snapping someone on the butt with a wet towel...it stings like hell, but everyone has a good laugh about it. Most importantly, people learn to cover their asses, figuratively and literally!
So, in today's society where intelligence seems to have taken a nose dive, doesn't it make sense to put an end to stupidity? Theoretically, as fewer stupid acts are carried out, more enlightened ones would arise.
Just a thought!
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